The Sculptor

If you want to get me angry, just say to me, as many women with whom I work do, “I’m just a mother” or, “I’m only a homemaker”.

Stop “putting yourself down”. I know of no life’s work more demanding or more essential to the welfare of the nation than the raising of a self disciplined, secure, socially responsible child. None!!

If the C.E.O.’s of big companies get twenty million a year, the mother, father or any other caretaker who is successful in loving a child, listening to him, limiting him and then, when the time comes, letting him go deserves twice that amount.

The undervalued but critical importance of being a good parent is described in the following poem: The Sculptor .

“I took a piece of living clay and gently formed it, day by day.

And molded with my love and art

A young child’s head and innocent heart”

“I came again when years were gone.

He was a man I looked upon

And still my imprint did he bear;

The product of my love and care.

Abraham Lincoln proclaimed: “All that I am I owe to my mother”.

When your own child care chores seem endless, your problems insurmountable, your energy exhausted, think with pride of the sculptor in you. And know in every fiber of your being how important you are.

Attitude Adjustment

Fill a six ounce glass with three ounces of water. Would you describe that glass as half empty or half full?

Negative or positive, a parent’s attitude about her son or daughter shapes the way she sees him. In interviews with over a hundred mothers, fathers and grandparents of teenagers in one of the family life workshops I present at schools, businesses and social service agencies across the country, I asked the following question: “What do you like about your adolescent?”

Revealing a parent-child relationship in serious trouble, several parents replied, “To tell the truth, nothing.” or, “ To be perfectly honest with you, I can’t think of a thing I like.”

Fortunately, most of the other parents had not so completely given up on their children. On reflection, they agreed that beneath the surface veneer of their youngster’s back talk, irritating silences, lack of appreciation, sloppiness, etc. there was, for the most part, a likable, respectful, caring child. In short, they had a teen who stayed out of serious trouble involving drugs, violence, school failure, risky sex. and who even sometimes listened to their advice.

Emphasizing the positive rather than the negative nature of a son or daughter is an activity many overworked, and overwhelmed adults fail to do. They criticize more than they compliment. They see the glass as half empty rather than half full

In the give and take of living with teenagers, taking the good in them for granted is a common practice. It is a practice which too often results in giving them good reason to be bad.

Busy as you are, find something positive to say to your child today . Don’t be surprised if you see a shocked expression on his face. Try the same strategy tomorrow or next week. Don’t be surprised at how quickly your change of attitude sets the example for him to follow.

The dropout disaster

The school dropout disaster -- Who’s to blame? ... teachers, teenagers, or parents?

The principal of a large urban school in which I worked was worried about the negative change in a seventh grader’s behavior. Usually a good student academically with a good attitude about school, Jake had become disinterested in learning and disruptive in the classroom.

Hoping to get more insight into what was causing Jake's trouble, the principal called his home. No sooner had he identified himself and before being given a chance to explain why he was calling, the principal was met with parent hostility:

“Look.. whatever you’re calling about I don’t have time to come to school about him, so whatever he did , you figure out what to do about it. That’s what you get paid for!” the boy’s mother growled. Then she hung up.

In my experience, this is not an unusual story. Countless numbers of mothers and fathers won’t or don’t take time for their children either at school or at home. In his recent message to the N.A.A.C.P President Obama emphasized the importance of those who CREATE children to spend time CARING for them.

There are irresponsible mothers and fathers of every race and region who mistakenly view THE SCHOOL as the ENEMY especially when their time or participation is required. They regularly absent themselves from taking any responsibility for their child’s behavior in school. They are truant from working with teachers in an effort to better educate and support the youth. They drop out of attending P.T.A. meetings and other school activities. They fail to try to help their sons and daughters with school homework, or even check to see whether or not it is being done

The sad result of this mistaken hostility against, avoidance of, or, at least failure to support their child’s school life is resulting in large numbers of parents becoming the MOST UNREACHABLE DROP OUTS OF ALL.

Winning Ways

Children aren’t born losers they’re made losers. Here are some guidelines for teaching your child winning ways.

Jack or Jessica, you might say to your pre-teen or teenager--when you’re lucky enough to get his full attention, :

“A WINNER is someone who says:’I want to find out ..or, I want to try to do that’” even when the task looks difficult and he’s not at all sure he’ll succeed.

“A LOSER insists, ’Nobody can do that or knows all that’ or, “It will take too much time to try."

“A WINNER admits, ‘I’m good at that, but not as good as I can be'”

“A LOSER whines ‘I’m not as bad as a lot of other kids I know’”

“A WINNER listens and learns. He respects people who have had more experience than he, parents, teachers, grandparents. He tries to use their guidance to improve himself."

“A LOSER pays little attention to what his parents, teachers, or other adults etc .are saying. Instead, he waits mindlessly or concentrates upon what he’ll answer back when its his turn to talk. He resents “being told” anything even when he knows the advice is helpful”

“A WINNER knows how to wait for what he wants, and how to work hard to get it.”

“A LOSER expects instant satisfaction and instant success"

“A WINNER somehow always does more than what he has to do, more than the job actually requires.”

“A LOSER manages to do as little as possible”

“A WINNER admits his mistakes. He says, “I was careless; I didn’t look where I was going and I fell’”

“A LOSER blames other people, complaining: ‘Somebody pushed me.’

What we tried to teach our children, foster child and now grandchildren is that “ Life is like a card game. Winning isn’t always a matter of the cards you’re dealt but how you play the game.