Too hot to handle

From preschool through college, there are times that our sons, daughters and grandchildren get too hot to handle. They flare up when they are denied some freedom or privilege or possession which they consider rightfully theirs. Frequently, those growing up see red when adults try to give them advice…even good advice. Teens, in particular, view almost any kind of warning as an insult to their maturity and good judgment and as proof positive their parents don’t trust them to make their own wise decisions.

A blog reader gives an example of one of these tugs of war in the adult-child relationship:

“Our nineteen year old daughter, Judy, on her way back to college after a visit

at home for the holidays, became very irritated with me. I was warning her against being sure not to pick up any hitch-hikers, even female ones, or drive as if she didn’t realize that there were a lot of crazies on the road who made their cars into death weapons”

“There you go again,” she responded sharply, “always saddling me with warnings every time I move out the door. It’s just too much to take. I’m already loaded down with a lot of school stuff to think about, money juggling, my almost non- existent social life. I don’t need another burden laid on me, ya know”

“My first inclination was to lash back at my daughter’s rudeness. Instead, I replied simply, ‘ I didn’t mean to weigh you down with an extra burden. I don’t want to make you so uptight about all the dangers in the world that you’re afraid to enjoy life. But, try to understand the burden I’m asking you to carry. It’s a care package because I care so much about you and want you safe.”