Teens Talk Back

Ever wonder what your teenager would say to you if he or she weren’t afraid to tell you?

Over the years, here are four messages I’ve gotten from the thousands of adolescents who’ve spoken to me or sent me letters:

“Even though we like loud music we don’t like loud voices. Please don’t yell at us. Not only does yelling hurt our ears it scares us and hurts our feelings.

When we do something wrong, punish us. But please don’t keep punishing us over and over again...by never letting us forget what we did wrong. People can change, ya know!

But it isn’t easy to change when somebody keeps reminding you about how lazy or stupid or dishonest, or unappreciative you are.

We would feel a lot better about ourselves if you took more time to praise the good things we do instead of always criticizing the bad ones. In our hearts we know you love us but please try to show it a little more.

When you have to say “NO” to what we want to do or make rules we don’t like, could you tell us WHY you’re doing it? If you’d give us reasons we’d learn more and maybe remember longer.”

Now that they’ve told us “what’s up” with them, let’s listen.

Getting the "No-how"

If you know how to say it fairly, firmly, calmly and consistently, No is a Love word.

For a long time, psychologists have known that the setting of limits satisfies a basic human need. The need for structure.  All human beings have this need for order and behavioral boundaries. Children and adults alike seek the security provided by rules and discipline, but despite these facts of life, many men and women, cannot say no—at the right time or at the right place, or to the right people.

They are afraid that if they do set limits, they will become unpopular or unloved.

Learning how to say NO to your child, to other adults, and even to yourself is more important today than ever before. Why? Because we are living in a yes- society.

Instant gratification is everywhere, encouraged or accepted on television, in movies, magazines and books, as well as in everyday life.

The messages that are all too frequently practiced are:

If it feels good, do it

Make sure you get yours.

Get it now.

Unfortunately the voice of the yea-sayers is so loud and persuasive that it drowns out the voice of truth. 

The truth that no is a love word. 

Without it, our sons and daughters will grow up without self-control, without self-esteem, without social responsibility, and without success.