Bottle-fed self-esteem

“Parenting really never ends, does it Mom?” our grown daughter  commented after she had called to seek some advice.

"No, it doesn’t!” I laughed, pleased that she understood, and felt comfortable enough to trust me to give her wise guidance. How satisfying it was to me, as a parent, that my adult child chose to take advantage of the umbilical cord that still and always would connect us.

Her call served to remind me of a comment made to me by a prominent T.V. personality whom I interviewed on one of my radio broadcasts: "Bottle feeding a son or daughter with self esteem requires a lot of bottles and a lot of patience, love and time, but its worth it”.

The biggest bottle full of self worth and security we tried to provide in our family, and, I believe, continue to use to nurture our grown children and of course our young grandchildren is based on what we call our Three B’s formula.

From their preschool years on, through their good behavior and misbehaviors, we rarely failed to remind our offspring that they were: BRIGHT, BELOVED and BEAUTIFUL. …. BRIGHT, not in a boastful or “smarter than other children” sense but rather bright enough to be curious, to learn the many wonderous things life offered in school, at home and in the larger world outside...to use their talents and determination to be the best they could be...in what they chose to be. They were BELOVED not because they got good grades or did well in sports or art or music or always did exactly what they were told to do with no arguments or back talking but rather, beloved, as they were for who and what they were... sensitive, caring, honest, responsible family members.

They understood that our meaning of BEAUTIFUL was not in the physical sense. It was not that they were prettier or thinner, or more attractively dressed, or more talented etc. than anyone else., but rather morally beautiful.  They were taught to be committed to family, friends, community, values, respect, justice and social responsibility -- not merely self service and self gratification.

Unfortunately, many of today’s young people are not being “bottle fed” self esteem. They must turn to artificial intoxicants to get their “highs” because they are unable to enjoy the more potent, safe, heady experience gotten from feeling good about themselves..

Reflections on self-esteem

Don’t bother wasting your money buying your preschooler every little thing he begs for or feeding him all the junk food he wants. The most nourishing gift you can give your child is self-esteem.

It’s the feeling of love trust and respect he feels for himself. This belief in the value of oneself is learned behavior and begins at birth.

If a preschooler were to look in the mirror, his self- esteem would be the reflection of what he sees there; a boy who feels good about himself because he is loved and protected and respected by his parents and other family members.

A preschooler with low self-esteem would see a different reflection. He would see someone who in the eyes of his family appears to be a nobody, in the way, bad, incapable.

The preschooler with low self-esteem grows into the child with low self-esteem and then into the same kind of adult.

He is rarely happy, rarely does well in school, and usually acts up at home.

When those around him have constantly told him or shown him that he is a nobody, bad, unimportant, he becomes that.

A child learns what he is taught.

Those taught to like themselves are most likely to be successful.